Am I waisting my twenties?

Meg Jay’s Ted Talk was sort of an ‘aha moment’, like a light-bulb just went on and revealed to me the future that I was blindly and inadvertently throwing away. It was like I was in a dark road and the sun came up and I realized … Holy Shit! I’m wasting my twenties!

I’m not even wasting it by going to clubs or working in some complacent-type job. No, I’m wasting it by doing NOTHING. I recently flunked out of school, and I’m currently not working. My best friend is the couch and my only lasting relationship is with the television. What are the steps I’m taking to achieve the future that I want? None.

I have dreams – some small and some big. But, they might not come true if I keep heading down this road. The process in fighting for a dream is like climbing a long spiral staircase. But, the problem is: I’m not even moving. I’m just standing there – not even halfway through – waiting for a sign and a sudden surge of motivation. I want to keep moving. I want to keep trying but I just can’t. All I end up doing is wasting time.

What’s the problem? The problem is that I’m lost and confused. It’s like I’m aimlessly walking through life without a sense of purpose. I don’t know what to do or what the next step is. A part of me just feels hopeless. This college situation I’m currently dealing with has me feeling morbid. The constant buzzing about my future and my education coming from my family is just adding on the morbidness. I’m worried about my education, my future and my hopes and dreams. I don’t know where to go from here?

I’m becoming the person I never wanted nor expected to be, and I don’t know how to stop it.

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