Never Have I Ever

I read this memoir called: Never Have I Ever by: Katie Heaney. The author hilariously describes her failed attempts at finding romance. It was a good read. I honestly felt like I was having a drink with Heaney and we were sharing our most embarrassing¬†guy related moments. That’s how inviting and warm and funny her writing was.

What I loved most about the book, wasn’t the hilarity of her stories or how beautifully written the book was. It was how much I could relate to the author. I’m 21 years old, a couple weeks away from turning 22, and I’ve never had a boyfriend, a first kiss or a date. But, I’ll tell you what I have had. And that was a long list of crushes from guys in my class, guys I only met for one night, and guys I didn’t have a chance with. I’ve had my heart broken by crushes who told me they didn’t like me because I wasn’t pretty or I wasn’t their type, or my personal favorite: they didn’t want to ruin our “friendship.” And because of the plethora of rejection I faced, I wrote poems in my room about how badly my heart aches or how badly I wanted them.

But, no matter how many times I got rejected I never gave up hope that one day I’ll find someone who appreciates me for me. I just never thought I’d be 21 years old and still single.

You could just imagine what a relief it was to find Katie Heaney’s book. I remember I saw it on All Women Stalk, and when I read the title and what the book was about, I just had to read it. And I’m glad I did. Reading this book made me feel less weird about my nonexistent dating life. I always use to feel uncomfortable whenever someone asked me if I was dating anyone. And when I was a teenager, it felt somewhat okay to say “No, I’m not currently dating anyone.” But, now that I’m a young adult in her early twenties, it feels weird to say that. Like, I just entered some foreign country and broke a social unwritten rule and now everybody’s staring at me like I just ran over a dog.

But, I realize now that all that pressure and anxiety I felt to find a love interest was brought on by myself. ‘Cause I see other twenty-somethings engaging in PDA and I feel like the odd girl out because I have no one to cuddle up with or hold hands with. It’s like there’s some unwritten rule that you should be dating in your twenties, and I’m breaking it (but not on purpose, I promise).

Reading Never Have I Ever made feel okay about breaking that “rule”. Who says that at 21 you’re suppose to have someone or have had someone? Not to quote a cliche that everyone lonely girl is tired of hearing but…I guess…maybe it’s suppose to happen when it’s suppose to happen. It’s just that waiting is probably one of the worst and hardest things a person has to do. ‘Cause there’s this longing, this wanting for something to happen or arrive but society is kindly telling you that it’s not time yet. And you’re just wondering why? But, society isn’t telling you why…you have to figure out the why for yourself…sometimes.