I’m having a serious case of writer’s block as I’m crafting this post. I’m not sure how to start or what to say (I don’t even know what the main focus of this blog is yet), but I’m going to try to get through this as painlessly as possible. There is no conceivable reason that explains why I’m so nervous right now. Probably because I’m going in here blind and I’m not sure what it is I’m doing, exactly.
Writing this post is more than difficult than I anticipated. This is the first post-the first step I’m taking to embark on this new blogging journey. I want it to be a good step. I want this post to be worth reading. Not the kind of post where you read for three seconds and close because you’ve lost interest. I want you to be interested throughout the whole enchilada.
For about 2 to 3 months I’ve been tempted to create another blog, but I’ve been fighting it; but, there was this relentless voice in my head that kept bugging me to give it another try. Honestly, I didn’t want to return to blogging. I guess I believed it wasn’t for me. But that persistent little voice appeared at all times; my sleep; the shower; during all my leisure hours. It was in my head all the time. It was so headstrong that I couldn’t fight it anymore. I finally surrendered and waved the white flag as I registered for a wordpress account
But, then a sort of nostalgic thought popped into my head: remember the old and deleted account you once had and why you deleted it in the first place?
I do. And the reason was…
The site wasn’t getting an iota amount of attention that I truly wanted and maybe even desired. It may seem kind of trivial and juvenile, but there petty things like the comments and the likes and the followers mattered even if it shouldn’t have. Hitting published on a post and seeing no likes or no comments on it translated to ‘you suck,’ ‘you’re boring,’ or ‘you’re a terrible writer.’ Even though it’s a not a legitimate translation it ate away every bit of confidence I ever had and that was enough to push me back into that shell I always hid in to protect me from the world.
I don’t want to go through that again, the plethora of inanities and insecurities and the fallacious translations – I also don’t want to hide anymore. I’m tired of this shell, it has basically built from my and self-doubts, and all its done was keep from the world. It has scared me into giving up on my dreams because it has inundated my mind with thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough or smart enough.’
Blogging isn’t about the spectacle of comments, or the massive number of likes a post is lucky to have nor is it about the millions of followers. Those are just bonuses. It’s about getting yourself out there – for some people it’s the first step. It’s also about networking and being socially interactive with people who have common interest as you. It may seem minuscule but it’s worth a try – you may find out more about yourself and the world in doing so.
For me, I just want to get writing, it has always been my first love and I want it to also be my second to last (I’m saving the last spot for my future husband). For a while I sort of fell out of love with it, I giving it the attention it needed. I was too busy with school and trying to figure out what the next step was, and writing was no longer the top of my ‘To-Do List.’ Even though it’s unorthodox and frowned upon, blogging might help me find the passion writing and I use to have. Blogging might even build me some tough caliber of skin.
I don’t know who’ll be reading this or if anybody will even read this. But, despite those odds I’ll be sure to keep writing just the same as a fish who keeps swimming.