Hi everyone! I’m back!
I’m continuing with the last journal I started a couple months ago but never got around to finishing it.
This is what the journal looks like. It’s my first journal. I started it when I was a freshman in High School in 2009, but I stopped writing in it after a couple months that year. I didn’t write in it until after I graduated High School in 2012. And ever since then I’ve found solace and comfort in journaling. I’m already on my 15th journal right now.
Alright then…I guess I’ll begin quoting myself 🙂
“Sometimes I wish I can go through one of those machines, and I go in one person but come out a better version of that person. Like some kind of science experiment like Captain America.”
-February 15th, 2013
“I hate disappointing people, but yet I do it anyway. I know that I’m only ruining my life – but at the same (time) like I feel like I’m ruining everyone else’s.”
-February 16th, 2013
“Unfortunately time machines don’t exist and you have no other choice but to accept the choices and actions you made and let it go.”
-February 17th, 2013
“One thing I know is that I don’t want this life of nothingness and blankness [to] be my future. I want it to end here and now.”
-February 24th, 2013
“I just wish there was some manual, an instruction pamphlet on making changes with your life. Or maybe a 12 step program on getting things done or goal setting. But, that’s now life works – some things you just have figure out your own.”
– March 8th, 2013
“I’m just tired of feeling like my life is in gutter. It’s like I’m Cinderella and I’m just waiting the fairy godmother. I need direction…”
– March 12th, 2013
Alright. That’s it for now. I’ll finish it the next time.
It’s weird looking back at my old journals, re-reading my negative thoughts. In case you haven’t deduced yet from the tone of my past entries, I was going a through a bad time that year. Getting kicked out of school, trying to find a job, being home mostly by myself with no friends to talk to…the sun was not shining on those days. So, I vented in my journal. In my pink Mickey Mouse journal from Disney World. And it saved me from falling apart and from giving up. So, I’m grateful that I found a light inside the blank pages tucked inside a pretty cover.